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     Scars (One-Shot) [Warning:PG]

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    Tess Holmes
    Tess Holmes
    Healer In-Training
    Healer In-Training

    Posts : 304

    Scars (One-Shot) [Warning:PG] Empty
    PostSubject: Scars (One-Shot) [Warning:PG]   Scars (One-Shot) [Warning:PG] EmptyWed Dec 31, 2014 12:57 am

    Inspired by ‘Scars’ by Rudy Francisco Poetry
    If I could I would nail these hands to the edges of stars. I would sacrifice this body to the sky hoping to resurrect as someone spiteful enough to not care about you anymore

    Staple me to a cross. Pierce my side with a broken promise and I will bleed all the crippled reasons why you deserve one more chance.

    Tess Holmes prided herself in being strong; strong enough to take on the world, with a cold gaze, a straight-lined mouth that hid a sharp tongue that stabbed harder than any knife could. A Holmes never looked any direction but two: straight ahead, and down. Never behind their backs, for their backs were protected, unharmed, or so that was the saying. It took a while for Tess Holmes to realize that apparently everyone thought this except her.

    Today was the day that it was happening, the invitation thrown in the bin, as she sat there, hands on her lap, staring straight ahead. She supposed that was the one thing that was true about a Holmes. Always ahead. She knew that they were success stories, everything they tried they succeeded in. But at this moment, looking down at her palms she figured that she would break that cycle.

    The first female in 500 years, the first to not take on potions, business, or the ministry, but rather healing and dragon training. Breaking the cycle by shying away, building her layers through the books, throwing her intellect so the bruises wouldn’t appear on her skin. And bruises never did appear, that is not outwardly.

    Her hair was a symbol of breaking away, from that cycle. A cycle of abuse that occurred when her heart was taken without really thinking about it. Her heart that had been long ignored bloomed to life from one smirk. Just one smirk from those green eyes were enough for it to jump, cling to the opposing heart and hope to never be let go.

    Crap. It was all crap. A broken promise was enough of a sign for that. For him getting married this evening was enough for her to realize that she was a hopeless dreamer. Those disgusting ones that she once made fun of…incidentally with the man that had broken her.

    Loving you was the last thing I was good at.

    Success came in different forms. A test was always a safe place for her to shine, for in life she rarely could. At a young age she was awkward, too tall for only a short time only for everyone else to catch up and leave her behind. Books were her shield, her way of showing off that while she could not necessarily succeed in life she succeeded in books.

    Social interaction was hard; year before Hogwarts had opened its doors for her she sat for hours studying the expressions and copying them in front of a mirror, hoping it would help her understand. She knew she was odd; the looks she got from her parents was enough for her to know. It didn’t help that she was behind shadows.

    She was a flower; greedily taking in any sunlight that managed to push itself through the two shadows that would never stop. Even in death the memory of Sherringford Holmes was the biggest shadow that both her and Mycroft had to face. Then came Mycroft’s shadow that was pushing back on Sherringford’s and lastly there she was. Small and shriveling, she forced herself to adapt.

    So her smiles became more genuine, her eyes brightened in excitement when it was acceptable. She had one thing that neither of the two ever had, a hope for a difference. Being a woman meant having advantages, how a small smile could give you something at more value than a name could. But slowly her hopes grew, feeling a shadow behind her forming, an identity.

    And in a sickening way, Dominic played a part in helping her feel that. Neither brother could take someone home to show off. Not even the popular Sherringford could keep a girlfriend long enough to show off, that is until adulthood before his tragic passing. But Tess had, it was sickening how she had paraded him through her mansion showing her what she thought she would share with him one day. He went along with it, smiling when expected, kissing her when no one was looking, and charming her parents into thinking that her biggest success was hooking him to her. She felt so good. She felt she had accomplished the normalcy she desperately wanted.

    You wanna now how I got these scars? I ripped every last piece of you out of my smile.

    I whispered you stardust.

    I spoke you into sunflowers.

    She ran her fingers through her fringe, slowly growing after everything that happened. Her room looked different. Looking around her room, she looked away from the window and took it all in. While stylish and everything like her old room, there was something important that were missing: the flowers.

    The flowers were gone. Sunflowers, the flower that he once had compared her to. Opening up the photo album she let herself just take a moment and pick the dried sunflower out. Closing her eyes she remembered clearly what he had said when he’d given it to her:

    It was spring, and he had asked for her to wait for him at the lake, their special place. She remembered wearing a soft yellow sundress, and her flats removed letting her dig her feet into the grass. She never once would have been allowed to do it before, but now, she knew that it was okay. Her hair was pushed up, letting the tresses wave themselves into an unorthodox pattern on the grass. And a pair of cat-eyed sunglasses shielding her. He was late and she wasn’t going to push him. It was too nice of a day to do so.

    “Started without me I see?”

    Turning over she noticed him walking towards her, and she smiled seeing him; it was natural now, like she was confident in every move she made. She noticed he had something hidden behind his back and she took off her glasses to get a better look. Before she could even get a good look his lips were already on hers and she laughed into it, letting him roll himself on top of her and hold her down. He nuzzled her neck and she huffed.

    “What are you hiding from me Dom?” she asked curiously.

    “Well…..I was getting out of Herbology, and I saw you in the greenhouse”

    Tess looked at him confused as his green eyes showed amusement behind them and she swatted him. He always looked at her as if there was a joke going on and she never got the punchline. But she knew he loved her, he never really said it, she just knew.

    “You know perfectly well I don’t have herbology with you. Is this another stupid joke of yours?”

    “Stupid is just a state of mind babe” he murmured before pushing the flowers her way. She looked surprised at seeing the large sunflowers hitting her face. She pushed him off and he started chuckling as she stared at the flowers in surprise. He was never the one to promise her beauties, and for once in her life she was being less materialistic. She loved the small gestures that were romantic, but denied by him, like these flowers.

    “What are these?” she asked shyly,

    “If you don’t know what they are, how are you even going to pass Herbology” he retorted.

    “Stop being a prick and tell me why you got them for me?” she asked annoyed.

    “Well they’re basically us, you know? You’re a bit of fucking sunshine in my cloudy and moody world” he declared, sarcasm dripping from every word.

    “Come on now..” she growled.

    “Okay okay” he relented, “sunflowers follow the sun, and try to grow desperately trying to reach the warmth. I’m not the most…cheery person there is out there, but I reach for the warmth. You’re the sun, and the flower, following the warmth. I'm resilient, and you, you’re the warmth.”

    She knew he had done it to get a good snog, and who was she to deny him. Kissing the petals lightly she leaned over and kissed him. That was the first and only time he would give her flowers. And they were the most unconventional of all. She knew that knew she adored roses, yet there he was, giving her a ‘resilient’ flower. As he chuckled against her lips ,she wondered if there was another joke she was missing out of.

    Throwing the book into the bin she walked over to the opposing room. A line sheen of sweat covered her body as the flat was heated perfectly to accommodate her dragon egg. Checking it over, she ran the warm cloth over it, hoping to let it have the most opportunities to thrive in her flat. Forcing herself to just distract herself from the day.

    I dipped my hands in forever. I touched you infinity.
    Treated you as if you were the last molecule of oxygen inside of a gas chamber.
    I was good to you.

    Tess turned red remembering just how she had let herself fall into the promise of love. His hands were the first and only to grab her, pin her down, made her feel weak, and made her feel adored. Every kiss was a promise of tomorrow, of forever. She had let herself become those girls, those girls daydreaming, wondering exactly when it was their time to come together.

    She had seen every inch of him, and he her. Her nerves always tended to get the best of her before he claimed her, but she’d felt the edge, fallen over ,but never once allowed herself to be marked by him forever. The fear, was what both caused her regrets and she thanked immensely.

    Purity meant nothing if she felt so hollow, yet there was was. Ever kiss left her breathless, her words no longer made sense, he was the only thing that she clung to for reality. The one person she felt herself falling over and it was both frightening and liberating. Her name meant nothing, for she spoke a language that no tongue would enunciate.

    You wanna know how I got these scars? I swallowed my pride and then it clawed it’s way out of my mouth.

    I realized I was never your boyfriend. I was just your hype man.

    I hope your next boyfriend gets smallpox.

    Yes I said smallpox!

    She’d smiled politely the last time she saw him. With her hanging from his arm. There was no malice behind her eyes, nor her mouth. For her tongue had lost it’s sharpness, instead it was overwhelmed with bitterness of knowing that it was final. She’d been gracious, ignored the past that they once had and bantered slightly.

    She ignored the stinging pain when he’d called her an old friend. Like their whole story that haunted her in the dark had been all her imagination. That the words of love never existed. That his hands that had pulled her close could easily let go. But he had, so easily without even trying.

    She hated the girl before she even got a chance to know her; why? Because she was petty, and stupid and she didn’t give a damn what morals were. She was sweet as honey, never once allowing a crack to show. Being cold was a signature of a Holmes, and for once in her life she played the part flawlessly. The girl was plain, not an inch of uniqueness, yet she’d won without even fighting. The smile on her expression was enough for Tess to know she knew also.

    Her last parting phrase had been. “Maybe sunflowers would work wonders for your wedding.” The glory she felt as his expression broke, and his smile shifted was enough for her to know that the battle had been won. The one battle that she’d allowed herself to thrive with because the losses overall stung more.

    I hate you!

    But I miss you!

    I love you!

    It’s hard for me to count when I get emotional.

    I heard that 90% of human interaction is non-verbal so..

    If I could I would tie your arms to a daydream and the auction you off to my fondest memories.

    Taking a shaky breath, she realized that she had been shining the egg in all her musings. She also realized she hadn’t been crying. Tears had dried long ago, but she would still feel the aching pain. She kissed the egg softly, as if the dragon egg would understand. She hugged it close and felt stupid. This was her chance to be good, to start new, to figure out who the hell she was.

    If she could only escape her memories it would give her a better chance. She knew she could remove those memories. Put it in a pensieve and then just forget it. She would use that spell without hesitation. But while she was known to be from a house that wasn’t known to be brave, she couldn’t allow herself to do so. It was a coward’s way out and she was many things, but that wasn’t one of them.

    ...I’ll just keep you here. Shackled to the most important chapter of my life story pressed into the basement of my eyelids like liquid salvation so I remember you beautiful with amazing underneath your wings and an orchid smile, you gorgeous earthquake. You cracked hourglass with sand spilling from behind your ribs, you wasted my time.

    How dare you linger on my lips and then kiss me like a stuttering apology with excuses stapled to the roof of your mouth?
    I still remember you like a dream tattooed to the inner walls of a long term memory but some days I wonder if you existed at all.

    Sitting up, she walked out of the room letting the lights concentrate on the egg once more. Taking a deep breath she knew why she didn’t do it. She was selfish. If that was the very last time she would feel love she’d rather remember it than just miss that large part of her life. She knew it wouldn’t happen again, but she wanted to cling to those moments of clearness. The only time she was comfortable in her skin.

    She had given up so much, removed the layers she had built it over the years. The ice that protected her, that defined her had melted away with one glance and a smirk. That smirk, and her enthrallment ruined her. Melted, broke, every wall she ever built, every dream, every insecurity, any stupid idea slowly rising to her mouth and letting it spill. She spilled it to him in the comfort of the dark, in his arms.

    It was now she realized he never once spoke about his. He told her what she wanted to hear, he moved the ways she expected him too. He held her close, her kissed her sweetly and made promises he knew he couldn’t keep. He never fought, he never even had remorse he simply moved on. And that hurt her more than anything.

    But she knew if she saw him again, even the ring on his finger that tied him to that girl forever would disappear, because if he showed her that beautiful smirk with those green eyes fixated on her, she was done for.

    “Pathetic”  she muttered.

    And of course you want to know how I got these scars.
    I got these scars the day I fell in love with you.
    I landed face first.

    Walking over to the couch she threw herself on it. Her bedroom would thankfully be cleared of any memory of him thanks to her house elf. He would remove every memory as directed and she could really start. For day was the day he had said his “I do’s” and it was today that she realized there were no tears.

    Instead the bitterness remained, the acceptance didn’t remove the taste of bitterness from her mouth. Even the sweetest fruit couldn’t cover and mask the broken fixture that remained in her. Leaning back she closed her eyes and forced herself to just remember why she was doing this.

    For the first time in her life she was bare. The ice had melted, her nakedness had been freeing, but she realized that she needed to thrive, and in this world nakedness brought nothing but sorrow. Today was the day she realized it would be okay. Despite the memories that jumbled her mind, that forced her to go back, that had once brought her tears, she was still alive.

    She had a purpose. It wasn’t the picket fence, or the dog, or the two children and a faithful husband. It was a career, an egg to hatch, a world to conquer, and her shadow slowly growing. And for the first time in her life, she allowed herself to take a deep breath, and be okay.


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