Merlin's Academy for Excellence
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     Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)

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    Parker Emery
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    PostSubject: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:10 am

    Parker knew he was due for another round at the hospital wing. The past few months he'd not been able to set much time aside, so more recently he asked for a few less shifts at work to try to make up for his lacking volunteer hours. Those at the tea shop weren't too happy about that considering how much busier it was in the winter - but they understood his obligation towards his education. After all, he couldn't afford to fail.

    Speed-walking down the hall and making his way upstairs to the second floor, Parker tugged his fingers though his bed-head to try to tame it and shrugged on his healers robes. The robes Tess had helped him pay for.

    He pushed through the heavy doors to the hospital wing, rubbing the sleep from his eyes with one hand and straightening out the front of his robes with the other. He called out an out-of-breath apology to the undergraduate supervisor (or whatever their actual title was, he couldn't for the life of him recall) for being so late (even though it had only been five minutes) and set about finishing getting prepared. Since it was still fairly early in the morning there wasn't much going on yet, but Parker made sure his wand was secured in his waistband and that his hands / upper arms were thoroughly washed (it always felt cleaner than the scrubbing charm he'd been taught).

    All the while, he was trying to figure out how long he had until his first break. The dull, empty ache in his stomach was going to make working a lot harder - but he hadn't been able to grab breakfast before running out the door. It was definitely going to make him even more exhausted than he already felt. Which was a problem enough on its own, even with how much more he was sleeping lately... What he wouldn't give for just a few more hours.
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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:51 am


    Sleep had become something foreign for Tess as time ticked on by; having projects for majors meant having to take them seriously, and being a double major meant twice as much. The first weeks had been easy, one baby and a dragon egg, simple enough. The baby boy cried when it needed to be fed, changed, or rocked. Simple. She could do it, and she told herself she was not having any form of attachment to the wrinkly pink baby. It was oddly realistic, even the warmth if sought from her. Things only escalated when her dragon egg hatched. The Opaleye had attachment issues; as in the way it took a step every time she did. Now she was a surrogate mother to two infant creatures ( in her mind there was no way a baby was a natural thing) and she found herself exhausted.

    She hated to admit defeat; but she had cried herself to sleep the day before when neither babies wanted to sleep. She was exhausted, and volunteering hours made it no better. Thankfully the Healers understood; they let her have a short fifteen minute break every thirty minutes to feed the dragon and check on the baby. Thankfully at the moment Baby Sprinkles was peaceful in her cage, that is until the afternoon came and the dragon stables would be open to all.

    The lack of sleep was wearing thin on her, especially as she was currently using her last Healer uniform as the other ones had spit up, (which seriously for a fake baby seemed awfully real). She rocked the baby boy close to her bosom as her dragon slept. She didn't sign up for this on her break. She hummed softly hoping the music would sooth the devil.

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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Mon Jan 26, 2015 12:29 am

    Parker had spent the first part of the morning straightening out beds, tables, and cupboards - basic things to make sure everything was in order for the rest of the day. He’d gotten quite good at that after working in the tea shop for the past several months. Thought it was no doubt more important to get everything just right here...

    For some of those volunteering, they might find it somewhat frustrating to be stuck with cleaning duty whether or not there were people that they could tend to. After all, they were training to be healers, not janitors. But Parker didn’t really mind. For the moment it was keeping his mind off of things that he could argue didn't really matter. And he liked to think that being a good healer mean being able to manage all areas of the hospital whatever the circumstances.

    Eventually there wasn’t anything more he could do for the moment, so he made his way back into the break room to get water and a snack. Parker almost stopped when he first walked in to see Tess humming and rocking… one of those fake babies from the conceptions class. He inwardly groaned at the thought of having to take the class himself eventually. What also made him pause though, was remembering that Tess and him hadn’t really talked since what happened a few weeks back when he was on break at work. Whatever the hell that was

    He hadn’t really considered what had caused them not talk - perhaps a mix of frustration and embarrassment on both their parts. As well as just being too busy and stubborn to seek the other out. It made him a little sad to be honest. Even though they didn’t know each other all that well, he felt like there was the potential for them to get closer. Or… maybe that was just wishful thinking?

    Walking over to grab a water bottle, Parker suddenly spoke up, his tone lighter than how he felt. “Those babies are unnervingly realistic looking, by God. Not looking forward to that class...”
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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Mon Jan 26, 2015 12:50 am


    Rocking baby back and forth she found herself really looking at it. It was so tiny and pink, but the way it trembled seeking out her warmth, made something in her twist...odd. Too odd for her to just ignore, but she would. Her gaze stared right at the full cheeks, for the usual feeding schedules the baby was getting fat. His cheeks were full...its she reminded herself. It wasn't smart of her to get attached to a fake baby. Her finger tentatively rubbed the cheek of the baby. Professor Song definitely had the charm be eerily realistic based on the skin of the baby and the warmth as well.

    The tears had stopped, and its eyes opened staring right at her. Her eyes weren't brown, like hers, but rather the heterochromia was in the child. It began to coo from her humming, and she felt her own lip twitch. Okay it was kind of cute. In her manual it said that she needed to talk to him. IT she corrected herself. Her lips parted beginning to try and be a 'mother' when she heard a voice.

    “Those babies are unnervingly realistic looking, by God. Not looking forward to that class...”

    She flinched at how the baby cooed in response to being talked to. She turned around, looking mildly embarrassed at the fact that she was caught humming to it. Parker. She hadn't talked to him since the hot chocolate incident. It had been a few weeks? Time was always confusing to her. Either way, it was awkward. From one encounter she slowly started to avoid him, eye contact, being in the same room. It made her feel guilty. She didn't like it. Her cheeks reddened, at caught in a predicament. Wasn't she alone on the volunteer shift?

    Lowering her gaze she nodded making sure that she could avoid his gaze. She felt awkward. Oh Merlin. She thought she had gotten out of the rut, but that wasn't the case it seemed. She wanted to apologize, she wanted to hope to get back to how they were? Not quite friends, but no malice behind it?

    "Yes, they're quite...he's quite heavy like a real baby." she murmured shyly.

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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Thu Jan 29, 2015 7:11 pm

    Parker could almost feel the awkwardness fill the air after he spoke, when Tess realized he walked in on what could have been a tender moment had the fake child not creeped him out so terribly… The cooing that came from it sounded so real it made his stomach churn. Of all the magic in the world, why the hell was there a charm like that? It was so unnerving and made him all the more reluctant to have to take the class eventually.

    Though fairly exhausted, his mood that morning hadn’t been too terrible so far. But with the sudden awkwardness he could feel it start to drop one again. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything to her at all? She didn’t seem to be in the best place, probably from a lack of sleep caring for the non-baby, and his commentary probably just served to annoy and/or upset her further.

    Or could she have still been upset over what happened the other week? He really hoped not, because besides noticing her avoiding him in every possible circumstance since then, he didn’t think much about it. Maybe it was worse than he thought, a bigger deal to her than he would have normally considered.

    Cracking open his water bottle and taking a drink, he couldn’t help but feel hurt by the idea of her trying so hard to avoid him. Part of him felt the need to want to address it and stop Tess from acting like this around him, while the other part just wanted to go on like nothing ever happened.

    He ‘hmmd’ at her comment about the things weight, internally debating his plan of action. He hated dealing with this kind of crap.He didn’t want it to feel confrontational (especially considering how carelessly harsh his tone had been with her previously), but he was simply at a lot for how to go about it properly.

    “Uhm...” he started. “You look really tired, is everything alright? I mean, besides the whole… fake baby situation of course?” he ventured to ask, though probably sounding overly cautious with his words.
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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Thu Jan 29, 2015 11:12 pm


    Did she look that terrible? Those were her very first thoughts as she caught him staring at her. It wasn't an impassive stare, but one that made her know he was studying her. She didn't want to feel self-conscious around him. How dare he make her feel self-conscious?! She was better than that. Years of practice, and yet at the end of the day she was back to square one, back to the insecure little Slytherin, who wanted friends. But she didn't need them. That's what she told herself as she pushed through her insecurities once more. She was strong, independent, and had one friend. That seemed like enough. One to be around if she needed her, and only one to avoid if she really wanted to.

    'Then why do you care so much what this muggleborn thinks?' her mind snidely commented. And that was a good question. Why did she care so much? Was it the fact that she found herself craving people to talk to? Was it the fact that Rhian was starting her own adventure and was no longer a tower away? The fact that planning lunch was a hassle sometimes and both were too tired. Or the fact that Rhian had a job, and classes, and no longer paid attention to her.

    Tess Holmes was needy. She would always deny it, but there was no hiding it. She enjoyed, craved someone picking her brain, letting her talk and often times give her some comfort she would never seek or ask for. A dynamic that confused her so much. She liked this muggleborn, he was so confusing, she wanted to rip him open and study him like a textbook. But at the same time, if he was too similar to her, it would force her to accept her own faults. A double-edged sword...if she wanted to get to know him, see what made him tick, would he want that from her too? That was the struggle with friendship wasn't it?

    “You look really tired, is everything alright? I mean, besides the whole… fake baby situation of course?”

    His comment made her hand move from the "baby's" hand to her hair, wondering once more if on the outside, she looked the mess that she tried to hide inside. She hadn't slept since she'd bombarded Professor Ellingston, begging him to help her. She had cried too recently to be proud of, simply because two babies wouldn't shut up. And yet at him mentioning it, she couldn't help but get a bit defensive.

    "Are you saying I look awful?" she asked partly curious, partly miffed.

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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Sun Feb 01, 2015 8:40 pm

    Parker felt himself shrink under her returning gaze, something about it reminding him of the way most people would look at him at Hogwarts. Sure, he didn’t know Tess very well, but he hadn’t expected it from her considering how comfortable he’d felt around her up to this point. It made him feel a bit foolish, making assumptions about her character when such behavior had hurt him so terribly in the past. Hadn’t he learned by now?

    But why did he even care so much? Parker couldn’t deny the fact that he cared a lot about what other people thought of him, but this whole situation with Tess seemed so much different. It was weird. The best way he could describe it was as if he’d let her down in some way.

    "Are you saying I look awful?"

    Her question in response had caught him off guard. “What? No. Since when did tired equal awful?” he asked, not expecting an answer as he continued on speaking. “And I’m definitely not one to talk even if that was what I meant.”

    Half of him felt like if he kept going he’d just make things worse, but the other half hoped that maybe if he just spoke for once he’d be able to clear up whatever weird feelings were between them. He couldn’t really explain to himself why he cared so much about whether or not they were friends, but he just wanted to fix it if he could. “I’ve just… been worried? It almost seems like you’ve been avoiding me and I just want to make sure everythings alright?”
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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Sun Feb 01, 2015 9:31 pm


    Tess enjoyed the way that he panicked as he thought that he was getting himself in a hole. In a way she supposed he was. How dare he think about analyzing her? 'You didn't even try to look nice today you know.' her mind snidely returned. And it was true. Her ever-growing hair looked dead as she let it fall down limply down her face. Her skin looked paler, if possible, as she hadn't eaten as much as she usually would. It took too much effort to eat; it took too much effort to get up during the few times she was allowed quiet time. The dark shade under her eyes showed her inability to simply sleep. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and tried to not feel the self-conscious feeling she felt.

    Merlin, did she looked that bad to someone as clueless as this guy? 'He's not clueless if he's realized you've been avoiding him' her mind immediately responded. And it was true.

    “I’ve just… been worried? It almost seems like you’ve been avoiding me and I just want to make sure everything's alright?”

    That was new. She looked a bit caught off guard and shuffled her feet nervously. Right, it was time to save herself some time. Walking to the makeshift crib she placed the charmed baby back to it's place and turned to look at him. Purposely slow, to turn she looked at him and figured she might as well be honest.

    "I have been" she admitted,"figured it'd be the best option after the horrible situation that occurred over hot chocolate. Wasn't that the best choice?"



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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Mon Feb 09, 2015 9:01 pm

    As keenly aware as he seemed to be of how other people felt, their appearances were something he was still rather oblivious of. With how weary and unhealthy Parker appeared most of the time, a good portion of his energy was spent self-conscious when around others - knowing his disheveled, poorly state was something he should be more ashamed of. Enough to put in the extra effort. Enough to push just a little harder.

    He looked down to his worn, scuffed up shoes awkwardly as she took in a deep break and slowly let it out. He understood that sometimes, when in a vulnerable state, a deep breath was necessary to collect himself enough to respond. He didn’t raise his head up again, but Parker followed Tess’ path as she went to put the not-baby into what looked like was supposed to be a crib. He chewed the inside of his cheek as she turned around and responded.

    "I have been. Figured it'd be the best option after the horrible situation that occurred over hot chocolate. Wasn't that the best choice?"

    He gave a slight nod in understanding and glanced away briefly, seeming a bit hurt as he responded softly. “You know, after it happened I didn’t think it was much of a big deal… Maybe it’s just ‘cause I’ve been friends with argumentative… er… not great people, but honestly.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry I came off so harshly. I guess I was just short from work. Overwhelmed and such, you know.” He hoped she did at least. He would have felt really stupid if that one incident ended a friendship he actually wanted to seek out.
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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Mon Feb 09, 2015 9:31 pm


    Tess prided herself in being someone that didn't forgive or apologize easily. A Holmes wasn't allowed to show weakness in stances or arguments because it was like putting your neck on the chopping block. But she knew, that she had one thing that many in her family refused to even acknowledge: a heart. Underneath the layers of her polished appearance, she had more broken and jagged edges than she cared to even admit. And it seemed that somehow, she found herself looking at Parker's shabby appearance and wondered what armor he held if he didn't even have the strength, power, or riches to at least armor himself with perfection on the outside?

    His shabby appearance made him look so small sometimes, despite his tall and lanky appearance. And his hair growing a bit too long, only helped him cover the tiredness that weight on him. But she was used to seeing how people carried weight on them, it was life. It seemed that the cards that were dealt for Parker might not be so lucky compared to hers. But as he began to talk, it was when she knew what his armor could be. Something she'd forgotten existed in others: sincerity.

    “You know, after it happened I didn’t think it was much of a big deal… Maybe it’s just ‘cause I’ve been friends with argumentative… er… not great people, but honestly.. I’m sorry I came off so harshly. I guess I was just short from work. Overwhelmed and such, you know.”

    Tess frowned softly and found herself at a rock and a hard place. If she forgave him, would this happen again? She hoped not. Because confrontation was not her strong suit, she shied away from being cornered and lashed out harder meaning losing more in the end. But his sincerity made her want to forget about it. She could make amends without apologizing. And while she told herself she didn't need friends, since she had one, it wouldn't be so hard to add a bit more into the collection. Someone that understood what it was like, somewhat.

    Feeling uncomfortable from the space between them, she awkwardly shuffled, closer and looked up at him and smiled shyly. She could try to do this, just try to let go and forgive him. It would take some weight off the pair of them.

    "I-I'm sorry too" she said rubbing her arm shyly, "I didn't mean to cause trouble. I quite..." she furrowed her brow, "enjoy your company, and I hope we can move from this. I'm not that good at avoidance...obviously"

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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Tue Feb 10, 2015 12:43 am

    With his rocky home-life and not always healthy relationships, it meant that Parker learned early on that holding onto ill-feelings and being unforgiving was just plain unsustainable. It often took far more effort than it was worth most of the time anyways. It probably made him seem foolish, and was probably why he involved himself with people that weren't good for him so long as they appeared sorry enough and seemed like they meant him no intentional harm. And why he kept trying to make his connections with others work even when he played just as much a part in the negative dynamic (not that he wanted to admit that to himself, though).

    He went back to chewing the inside of his cheek as she frowned, seeming to consider her options. It was a habit he really needed to curb - the little blisters and callouses he was getting were starting to be a really annoyance and elixirs could only help to a point.

    For a brief moment he found himself hoping she'd just tell him to piss of. That some shaggy mudblood like him really wasn't worth her time (It certainly wouldn't have been the first time hearing a similar phrasing of words). Less friends was... easier? Lonely, but yeah, easier... right? He wouldn't have to deal with all the guilt, the feelings of being a burden, the needing to be careful with everything he did so he could keep up the particular image he so wanted to have: gentle, maybe even delicate.

    But that brief moment passed, and he felt reassurance as she closed the awkward unfriendly amount of space between them. "I-I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to cause trouble. I quite... enjoy your company, and I hope we can move from this. I'm not that good at avoidance... obviously."

    Parker let out a relieved breath and smiled his crooked little smile. "Good. So... all's forgiven? Forget that whole ordeal happened?" He questioned, a light, almost hopeful tone to his words.
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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Tue Feb 10, 2015 9:19 pm


    At the crooked smile, Tess found a small one beginning to form on her own. It had started rocky, but then again, friendships weren't easy to come by. Especially for people like her; but he wasn't expecting anything in return and that was something new. Friendships meant having expectations, asking for something from someone and she wasn't quite sure what she could bring. But as she looked at Parker she realized that if she didn't have any real expectations of him, perhaps he could be the same way. Moving a loose strand of hair from her face, she smiled a bit wider and nodded.

    "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather us start over" she murmured,"just start over and get to know one another without the pressure of Hogwarts."

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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Thu Feb 12, 2015 6:57 pm

    "If it's all the same to you, I'd rather us start over. Just start over and get to know one another without the pressure of Hogwarts."

    Parker nodded, pleased with how things turned out. “I rather like that idea. I guess we’ve both kinda been holding onto baggage from then,” he said with a small shrug - knowing that it was at least true for him. He often let his past get in the way of his present and future. Especially when it came to dealing with other people. He hoped to start overcoming that, and so maybe a renewed friendship with Tess could be the first step?

    “I’m actually still on the clock. It slowed down and I needed some water, but I feel like I should head back out now. I’ll see you again once you’re off break? Then we should find some time between classes to actually hang out or something. If you’d want to, that is?”
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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Mon Feb 16, 2015 11:14 pm


    Tess nodded, knowing that he was absolutely right. They both carried baggage from that situation from different situations. A place where many found it to be a home, for her it was a place of torture. Torture from the growing pains and lessons she learned about how life truly was. She learned the need for people and the need to socialize, and the idea of heartbreak. That brought a bad taste to her mouth and she frowned.

    At the mention of hanging out Tess smiled a bit brighter, shy for some reason at someone willing to hang out with her. Rubbing her arm softly she realized if he was on shift it meant she was off and could try and get some rest on her own.

    "Well...I would love to go out some time, but with these two projects" she said pointing at the two infants, "it can be a bit rough. If you'd like we can maybe have a dinner at my place? I'm learning how to cook..."
    She wondered if he would simply say no from that simple fact, "But you're a muggleborn right? N-not to be rude just...there are things in my flat that just...they're confusing" she wrinkled her nose, "maybe just do that and see where we head from there?"

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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Tue Feb 17, 2015 1:18 pm

    "Well...I would love to go out some time, but with these two projects it can be a bit rough. If you'd like we can maybe have a dinner at my place? I'm learning how to cook..."

    Parker nodded and smiled pleasantly, "Yeah, of course. I can imagine how hard it would be for even one." He looked over to where she motioned back to them. "That'd be great though. And if you need help, I can kind of cook," he offered. He wasn't great, but it was enough to get by when his mother wasn't home or able to cook for the two of them.

    "But you're a muggleborn right? N-not to be rude just...there are things in my flat that just...they're confusing"

    Parker thought that was an interesting thing of her to ask and mention, but at the same time wanted to laugh a little. "And by confusing you mean things that seem like they'd be in a muggle home?" he asked, amused. "My house wasn't exactly fancy, but I could help you out if you want."
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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Tue Feb 17, 2015 11:47 pm


    Tess was glad that her comment about his blood purity didn't seem insulting. She tended to forget about people's emotions and was careless about everything that wasn't about her. She was trying to work on that, not being selfish and thinking about others. And she appreciated he took it in stride. Moving a strand of hair from her face she smiled.

    "Good, I recently learned there's electricity in my place and a...refrigerator" she said with excitement. "Baker st. flats retain a connection to the muggle world" she tried not to shutter, "but that doesn't matter. Owl me when you're free and we can see what we do."

    It seemed normal to have plans with people. And it excited her, it showed things were changing. It might have taken long, but slowly she was maybe one step closer to normalcy. Hearing voice she shook her head.

    "I think Nurse Redfern is calling you"

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    PostSubject: Re: Our Weaknesses Are Growing Strong (Tess)   Wed Feb 18, 2015 12:33 am

    Parker tried to stifle a smile, but to no avail. It was still so funny to him, listening to non-muggle raised wixen try to describe muggle objects, technology, and pop culture. Even something as simple as electricity; though to be honest there were time he was probably more thankful for those simple things that others might have been.

    "Baker St. flats retain a connection to the muggle world..."

    "Oh wow, really?" While he found himself wishing at times that things weren't so separate, he knew mosts times that the magic and muggle worlds clashed too much. So he found it interesting that they would be brought together for a home design. He the found himself wondering what magical folk used if not fridges...?

    When she said that she thought she heard one of the nurses call for him, he nodded. "Thanks. I'll be sure to owl you when I can, see you later!" He called out with a wave as he left back out to the main wing.
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